When the decision for Roe v. Wade was announced, how did this make you feel? How did you react? What, if anything, would you like to do about it? I completely broke down when they announced the decision on Roe v. Wade. Ugly crying, shaking, stabbing pains in my chest. I had this reaction not just for what it meant for women’s rights and abortion access, but because it reflects how our nation and leaders view women… And what this way of thinking and ruling means for our future. I felt like I was some minor character unknowingly participating in a national re-enactment of the Handmaid’s Tale. I went on to ask friends and my community how they felt about being a woman in the U.S. today, and here is a breakdown of the biggest fears:
- Women feel prohibited from expressing emotion, especially anger.
- Women feel anxiety and pressure to internalize negative feelings about aging and physical appearance.
- Women experience daily pressure to be “on” and “hold space for others” in the workplace and at home, and they feel the need to censor language and emotional expression for the sake of appearing “happy” to others.
- Women fear being harassed for both their physical appearance or simple presence as a woman. They feel unable to be “free/safe” in life, work, and travel.
- Women experience issues with the “glass ceiling” and general inequality in the workplace as well as limits to career and salary growth.
This is just the result of a survey of 20 women across age brackets and incomes, whom I personally surveyed. Obviously, there are so many more issues and experiences – not just here in the U.S. but across the globe. If you have an opinion/experience, please share it in the comments. I’d love to learn more about how to make a positive impact in our community. I’ve signed up to volunteer with Planned Parenthood as a start. I don’t really have the extra income to donate. I’d really like to help connect with others and strategize an ongoing, actionable plan to improve things for our community.
For context, I was raised in a home where women were only considered significant if they were (1) physically appealing and (2) could put on a good show at dinner. What’s worse, I was born mid-late 80’s, in a liberal state. I developed this idea that I was to grow up, be as pretty as possible, and then marry a prince who would just take care of me forever. Part of this idea came from home, and the rest came from Disney movies as well as other popular media. Despite this, one of my favorite things to do for “playtime” was to put all my Barbie’s as workers on an assembly line and have them de-shell pistachios for my imaginary pistachio de-shelling conglomerate. This was either an indication of psychopathy/goals of future dictatorship or for some, a sign of business genius in a 6-year-old. Whatever it was, I definitely did not buy into the whole “marry a prince” thing as an end-all-be-all for myself. Now, 30 odd years later, my goal is to be more than that prince for myself.
I recently had dinner with a client who works in finance (basically 7 fintech bros). I was the only woman at the table. Naturally, one of their first questions to me was, “When are you getting married?” I responded by saying I was building my own empire and the queen of my own castle, in a joking tone, of course. As a woman, I felt the need to answer and provide light – but if I were a man, I’m sure I would have just said “it’s not my priority” and would have been celebrated for it. Perhaps it’s not just a gender thing, but the masculine/feminine attributes we assign to gender. For example, it’s still difficult for people to accept women in power positions. If they do, it’s sometimes fetishized/objectified. When it’s accepted, there’s always someone out there making jokes about a decision being made purely as the result of the decision-maker being a “woman” and basing her decision on her “woman emotions.” That was basically Trump’s response to any woman who contested his position.
I could go on. But my question is, what does it mean to be a woman for you these days? I leave this question open to both men, women, and non-binary individuals. What is a woman responsible for? Does she have any limitations? What does the future of “being a woman” and standards related to that identity mean to you? If you could change things, what would a perfect world look like when it came to gender roles?
Thoughts and Stuff 